tedious.

It's just one of those days, maybe few days or so. Where I feel lifeless, like a piece of rock, just still and boring. Yes, I think I am a very boring person, I don't know what's my idea of FUN? I can't seem to understand why i like to plan things in my head, think of doing so many things, yet do nothing at all in the end. I end up being once again, lifeless in my room, reading an old book, checking my phone.

And then I see other people, and they're constantly occupied, doing their hair, trying out new things, experimenting on food and desserts, going for dinner and parties, just enjoying. Then I see me. In home clothes, bundled ugly hair and just doing nothing.

WHY? And it's one of those days where I feel so uncertain about myself; will I ever be good at anything I do? Maybe I am good at certain things, but I definitely won't ever be the best. And I worry about myself, if I'll ever be independent enough to do things on my own, to ever have a backbone to rely on. Growing up relying on others, resulted towards me being a coward, and someone who definitely cannot do certain things without help from others. With that, I always try not to trouble people to help me, and beat myself up by just avoiding anything at all. It frustrates me, it gets me all moody.

 Then I spend my whole day, admiring others. And they're so much more prettier, and far more out-going, they upload videos of them dancing and singing, doing tutorials, they go out, they have good food, they dress up, they appreciate life, and I; just watch them.

Every time I plan to do anything, it gets messed up because why? I think of how troubling I will be.

Here I am, sitting in my room, typing, reading.

 Same things I did when I was in school, same thing I'm doing now.

 I have a rather boring life.